2010

2009

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WEDNESDAY, JUNE 2, 2010

Natural Horsemanship as it Relates to Parenting

I was thinking the other day how natural horsemanship really does apply to all areas of my life. It affects how I relate to people and especially how I am with my son.

Because I only have one child, I really don’t know if my observations that relate the way Ben responds to my methods are really accurate – I haven’t exactly had a lot of different case studies! But the way I approach parenting (and urge my husband to do the same) is with consistency, a whole lot of love, a sense of fun and a sense of justice.

Ben is nearly two-years-old and a really interesting little person. The other day, he took a round cork trivet and a pair of oven mitts out of a kitchen drawer, put the mitts on and carried the trivet around, proudly showing me his ‘pizza’. I never cease to be amazed at the things he comes up with all on his own.

And wow, if you want to know how emotionally fit you are, just try being the primary caregiver of a young child in pain. Some children are easy teethers – Ben is not! Before he was five months old, his first teeth came in. Since then, we’ve had months and months and months of teething. For both for Ben and for those around him, the sleepless nights and misery can last for ages – for example, he’s been working on his two year molars since December and it is now June and they’re still not in! I was happy that I came into this with more emotional fitness and more awareness of my emotional state and how to change it than I used to have. It has also clearly shown me some areas that need improvement!

Aside from the whole teething thing, Ben is a really happy kid. He has and understands his boundaries; he has determination but knows that if he is really struggling, we will help him out; he trusts us implicitly and feels safe with us. He knows that he won’t be told that he can do something today and then be reprimanded for doing it tomorrow. He understands when he makes a mistake that we still love him, and he has shown us the value of repeating things over and over (and over and over) again with patience and understanding.

I’m not a perfect parent, but natural horsemanship has sure helped me be better than I otherwise would have. And really, I think that parenting has helped me to be better with my horses.

POSTED BY CELENA AT 6:09 PM      4 COMMENTS     POST A COMMENT
CATEGORIES: EMOTIONAL FITNESS, HORSEPEOPLE - A BREED OF OUR OWN, LAYING THE FOUNDATION, MY FAMILY, REPETITION

THURSDAY, APRIL 22, 2010

Repetition, Reward & Recovering Perfectionists

I am a recovering perfectionist. I used to be so afraid of doing something wrong – or worse, something “bad” – that I didn’t want to try new things. I wanted to sit in my little comfort zone and do things the way I had always done them. I didn’t even want to cook because what if – gasp – it didn’t turn out!

I am slowly recovering. It is a long journey, full of discomfort and mistakes. I have to keep reminding myself that mistakes are good – you really can’t progress without them. Figure out what doesn’t work and change how you’re playing the game.

One of the things I’m recognizing now as I try out new techniques and give myself permission to be wrong or awkward or a downright mess, is that I’m starting to see the small changes in my horses. It gives me more incentive to keeping trying because I can see those little tries and improvements.

Horses (and we) learn by repetition, and it’s hard to keep repeating something that feels all wrong if you don’t think you’re really getting anywhere. But becoming more aware of those positive changes in my horses keeps me at it.

I feel and reward the little improvements, which does two great things – it makes me want to repeat the lesson the next day, and best of all, it lets my horses know that their little tries are being recognized and appreciated. When I feel that small change and reward them for it in a way that they understand, they start trying even harder and they learn so fast!

When you keep each exercise short (repetition is the key, but it can easily be overdone!) and just keep looking for the little tries, it is incredible how quickly horses come along.

POSTED BY CELENA AT 7:46 PM      0 COMMENTS     POST A COMMENT
CATEGORIES: APPLYING NH, EMOTIONAL FITNESS, NATURAL HORSEMANSHIP TECHNIQUES, REPETITION, SOAKING

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 31, 2009

New Year, New Resolution

Tomorrow, it will be 2010. Have you made your resolutions yet?

While lots of people’s New Year resolutions center around becoming more physically active, my resolution is a bit different – to really focus on getting emotionally fit.

I realized the other day that I have much more in control of my emotions when I’m out with my horses than in other areas of my life. Out there, I see difficulties as puzzles that I haven’t yet worked out. I reward my horses just for trying to understand me. I analyze my horses’ personalities and try to understand exactly what their ideas are.

I’m better at mastering my emotions when I’m with my horses because it’s what I’ve trained myself to do.

I’ve done a lot of thinking about this over the past few days, looking at the correlations between natural horsemanship and the rest of my life. Doing natural horsemanship really is like therapy – it makes you think about and address all sorts of problems that are mirrored in your own life. Sometimes it makes you see things about yourself that you aren’t particularly proud of.

My sister, Anna-Marie, was telling me about emotional reactions the other day. She’d been reading this book, My Stroke of Insight by Jill Bolte Taylor, a brain scientist who writes about her experiences and epiphanies after experiencing a stroke herself.

Ms. Bolte Taylor says that when something happens to you, the first 90 seconds of emotional response after the incident is pure reaction – we can’t control it since it has to do with our biochemistry. But after that, the way we react is dependent on the circuits that we’ve created in our brains – if we continue to feel the emotion after that initial 90 seconds, we need to look at the thought patterns that are replaying this response over and over again.

Translation: after 90 seconds, how we respond is our choice, whether we are aware of it or not.

To change these circuits takes real focus – a real determination to change. The easiest thing to do is to let the circuits continue – but the healthiest thing, for us and our all of our relationships is to make a conscious effort to change how we react. Let yourself feel that strong emotion for one-and-a-half minutes – and then decide how you want to react.

So this is my New Year’s resolution, typed up here for all the world to see (just for some added accountability!): I am going to think about my reactions and decide how I want to respond, not just go along with the pre-programmed reflexes. I am going to focus on my emotional fitness.

P.S. If this kind of thing interests you, Jill Bolte Taylor explains the basics in an interview: http://www.bleepingherald.com/apr2008/taylor?page=0%2C1

POSTED BY CELENA AT 2:03 PM      0 COMMENTS     POST A COMMENT
CATEGORIES: ANNA-MARIE, APPLYING NH, EMOTIONAL FITNESS, HORSEPEOPLE - A BREED OF OUR OWN, NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 10, 2009

The Power of Soaking

One of the best things that I have learned through natural horsemanship is the concept of ‘soaking’ – that is, giving the horse time absorb the information or lesson. My background is in hunter/jumpers, and we just rode. If our horses did something wrong, we did it again. If our horses did something slightly better, we did it again. If our horses did something well, we still did it again!

My horses have come so far just because I give them a chance to soak up the lesson. You can see them start to think about things and understand more and more. As a goal-oriented predator, it can be hard to stop for a few minutes instead of ‘working towards the goal’. But one of the things that I have come to understand and witness time and time again, is that just stopping and soaking at the right moment can get you way further towards the goal than endless repetition.

Don’t get me wrong – repetition is not a bad thing. Horses learn best by repetition. With experience, you start to be able to feel when repetition is needed and similarly, when soaking is needed.

The day (or a few days) after having had a great session with a horse, I love to feel the changes in them. A lot of the time, you don’t just start where you left off. Sometimes you get on that horse and you can’t even believe the change. Sometimes, I swear, my horses spent the whole time out in the pasture thinking about what we had worked on and decide to come out and blow my socks off.

POSTED BY CELENA AT 9:34 PM      0 COMMENTS     POST A COMMENT
CATEGORIES: APPLYING NH, EMOTIONAL FITNESS, INNER PREDATOR, SOAKING

SUNDAY, JULY 19, 2009

My Inner Predator

Are you ever out with your horse, having so much fun, enjoying a bit of success playing around with something new and – BAM! (as Emril would say) – all of a sudden you flip back to your old pre-NH ways. Your horse was understanding what you were asking and so suddenly you want more. You expect more. Your predatory nature comes out – you become task-focused instead of principle-focused.

And everything falls apart.

It happened to me the other day. I was out playing with our big warmblood, Lex, and I was starting to ask him to lie down for the first time. He was incredible, bowing way down right away. Within minutes, he lay down voluntarily.

Success really can be far more destructive than failure. Instead of rewarding him by leaving it at that, I decided to try again to prove to myself that it hadn't just been a fluke. Instead of taking it slow like I had the first time, my expectations for him rose; I wasn't accepting each little try. By the time I realized that I had switched into predator mode, poor Lex was confused and becoming anxious.

I'm glad that I was able to recognize what was going on and slow it all down again so that I could help Lex feel successful. Again, I was grateful that horses are so forgiving - and big, beautiful Lex takes that equine trait to the extreme. Although I would have preferred that it didn’t happen, it was a good reminder to be constantly aware of what’s going on inside myself - to notice and rein myself in when I start to feel that my Inner Predator is on the loose, even if that means walking away from my horse for a bit.

I've shared my Inner Predator story - and I'd love to hear yours!

POSTED BY CELENA AT 1:03 PM      0 COMMENTS     POST A COMMENT
CATEGORIES: EMOTIONAL FITNESS, INNER PREDATOR